Friday, June 1, 2012

Zombie Watch 2012: The Zombie Apocalypse Begins in South Florida


Maybe the CDC was on to something last year when they issued a survival guide on how to handle the Zombie Apocalypse?

Maybe I should be concerned that the CDC's link to the guide points to an ERROR page. I'm sure that is just a coincidence. We have to assume the CDC's server is flooded by traffic because everyone with an internet connecting desperately wants to download the precious Zombie manual.

When I first saw the unusual news blurb in May 2011, I assumed the CDC was participating in a clever marketing campaign created by Hollywood suits to hype up upcoming zombie-themed films. But after the bizarre events of the last few weeks, I wonder if we're seeing the first glimpses of the Zombie Apocalypse? The real one. For shizzle.

By now, you've already heard about the naked guy who was shot by Miami police because he was eating another naked guy's face along side the highway. The brutal attack triggered a tsunami of "zombie apocalypse" memes on social media as the story made headlines around the world.

One quote really freaked me out. The Miami Herald interviewed Armando Aguilar, the head of local chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police, who revealed a haunting detail to the incident.

Aguilar said:
"This is about the fourth incident I hear already within our Miami Dade County area where these individuals have taken off their clothes and gone totally insane."
Fourth incident? What the fuck is going on in Miami? This was not an isolated attack. The cops rolled up on a naked guy eating another human at least three other times in Miami Dade County, including last month when police used a stun gun to kill a naked man who was trying to bite the face of another guy. Who knows how many other face-eating incidents went unreported?

A bad batch of drugs has to be at the heart of these gruesome human maulings. A few investigators and several MSM outlets were quick to associate LSD to the drug-fueled attack, but it turns out that inaccurate bit of misinformation was deeply rooted in anti-LSD paranoia. It's been reported by NPR that bath salts are suspected in the face-eating attack.

Once the story got out, the conspiracy forum GLP blew up with zombie apocalypse threads. The reactions were mixed. Different forum members shared their theories like Fukushima radiation causing the increased zombie activity. Some were far fetched (increased solar activity frying people's brains), or bone-chilling (reaction to the bad mixture of chemicals that dealers use to add to cocaine to "cut it" before selling it), or conspiratorial (the CIA releasing chemicals or a bio-weapon). One anonymous posted created a thread "Welcome to the beginning of the end" in March which suggested that we were doomed because a chemical and biological outbreak was pending.

Someone at GLP compiled a list of strange and horrific stories, which suggest something weird is going down.

Here's some of them:
- In San Antonio, a woman killed her infant, then fed on its brains.

- In Hackensack, NJ (where my grandmother used to live), a man sliced himself open and threw his skin and bloody guts at the police.

- In Maryland, a student was arrested for eating a man's heart and brains. I linked up that Baltimore Sun article in this morning's Red Pill.

- In Palm Coast, FL, the police arrested a man for biting the lips off a kitten.

- In San Diego, a man bit his cousin's nose off.

- In Florida, an insane doctor spit blood at a highway patrolman during a DUI stop.

- In Columbus, Georgia, a man bit a Lowe's employee and resisted arrest when the cops showed up.

- In Sweden, a guy thought his wife was cheating on him, so he attacked her with a knife, cut off her lips, and ate them.

- In Palma, Spain, a police officer was treated at the hospital after he was bitten by three women.

- In Illinois, this PSA warns its citizens to buckle up and be prepared for any emergency situation.... including zombies.

- In Florida, the police stopped a man who said he was going to kill his sister by 'biting her.'

- In Montreal, gay porn star Luka Rocco Magnotta killed his Chinese lover and mailed body parts to offices of different political parties. French police and INTERPOL are tracking Magnotta in France.

- In Russia, scientists created a zombie gun that scrambles people's brains to create mind control.

- National Geographic suggested that a 'zombie virus' is possible via a Rabies-Flu hybrid.

- According to this video, we've been surrounded by zombies for years.
Those are only a few of the stories of recent bizarre and cannibalistic behavior.

By the way, before you go... check out a bit of Clyde Lewis's show where he discusses some other peculiar facts about Zombie Watch 2012, which is a Google map that shows several coincidental locations of the zombie attack and the locations of subsequent mysterious diseases which popped up in nearby areas. Hmmmm.....



Stay tuned for more details on the emergence of the Zombie Apocalypse and other irrational behavior in South Florida. Keep an eye on Zombie Watch 2012 for updates.

As always, be prepared for the worst but don't forget to live each day to the fullest. Until then, it's probably best you avoid naked guys snorting bath salts, especially if you live in South Florida.

1 comment: