Monday, May 16, 2011

Monday Morning Blue Pill: Pippa's Ass, Mike Huckabee, and Botox Moms

Good morning, sheeple! How was your weekend? Did you play with your kids? Watch some playoff basketball? Mow the lawn on your twice-mortgaged McMansion? You'd better open up that Prozac and fill yourself with some empty-carb news; it's gonna be a long week!
Nanny State: Opt out of this, TSA. The Texas state house voted to ban "offensive security pat-downs" that involve touching “the anus, sexual organ, buttocks, or breast of another person” including through clothing. Maybe Miss USA will fly through DFW again?

Real Estate: Donald Trump wants you to buy this 488 square foot SoHo studio apartment. The price tag? Only $1.3 million! (StreetEasy)

Political Theater: Mike Huckabee saves himself the embarrassment and decides not to run for President in 2012. Does it have anything to do with the "sworn allegiance" he declares to Fox News in this letter to his inner circle, tipping them off to his big announcement? (Time)

Royals: Even though her sister is the one who's royal, Pippa Middleton's ass has its own website, >Twitter account, and Facebook page. And everyone wants to buy her handbag (People).

Bad Mothers: Child Protective Services had a busy weekend. Not only did they hit up Mariah Carey's house after rumors surfaced she was drinking in the hospital following the birth of her twins, but they had to round up that psycho bitch who admitted on Good Morning America that she gave her 8-year old daughter Botox. (PopEater)

Charlie Sheen denoument: Ashton Kutcher signs to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Network gets him at a bargain $1M/episode. Now Demi Moore can afford another facelift.
That's it! Get commuting!